3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
