Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
