your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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