he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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