Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
