I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
