I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
