Duck Duck Cougar?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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