I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize
