It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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