If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
