No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
