the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
