Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
