The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
