You're my little dorito
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
