Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
