great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
