I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
