girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
