oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
