We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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