Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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