I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
