Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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