Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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