She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
