What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
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