I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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