Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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