my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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