And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
