last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
