I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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