thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
