genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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