I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
she pinky promised me she was 18
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
