Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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