using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
