I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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