i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
