I faked an abortion last night.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
