conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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