I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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