New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize