i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i drank out of a bidet.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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