right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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