he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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