If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
