I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
