I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
