when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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