Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
