So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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