Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
