tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
