lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Dick very happy bro
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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