his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
