I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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