Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
