____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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