dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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