Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
