Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
