have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
