I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
