i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
